You see, it's weird, it's annoying, but hey it's my life… always a step to late, or a little to much. Always that one little action that causes months of damage, and not enough time to repair, that causes my heart to tear and its no one's blame but mine. The goal that is always just out of reach, that the closer I get the farther away it seems to get, and I find myself in a perpetual cycle of chasing, all I want is to have it there for once, and not have to go so far. When others around me try not at all and get what I long for, all I can do is sit and think, what did I do, where did I trip and how far have I fallen? Who is this angel from my nightmare and what does she want? A nightmare where I can not win the fight, where I tire after every swing and my opponent doesn't fatigue no matter where or how many times I hit him.
How do you stop liking somebody, there is no substitutions, you can't just throw someone else from the crowd to replace that person, it just doesn't work that way. You can satisfy your sexual desires but you will never quench that yearn. You can listen to whoever you want for however long you want, they aren't going to change your mind on this issue, no matter how many times they encourage you, you will fight it. Not in the sake of rebellion but because you literally cannot.
We all fail, there is always going to be one person you cannot teach, one person you can not befriend and one person who will always create friction. The moment could be perfect and your performance could be perfect but you fail, you fail because you put your success in the hands of other people, we have to, there are no short-cuts or exceptions. You make the move, and nobody is there to catch you because they couldn't match your performance, they couldn't or didn't want to do what you were willing to. Failure goes with life like presents go with Christmas, if you have one; you're going to have the other… so how do we deal with it? You accept your failures and you learn from them… Make a list of all your achievements and accomplishments in your life, pretty easy… "got A's… made the honor role… made a sports team… made a spectacular play…became the champion of something…fell in love… you earned the trust/respect of your parents or friends… you learned something that will stay with you for the rest of your life…" the list goes on and on… it's pretty easy to name all the mini goods and mega accomplishments, but is it as easy to list our failures? We have to, it is the only way to keep from failing again, perhaps the only way to move on, we must accept that they were failures, but remember failure is NOT bad, failure, like a sunset, is always followed by something good, example the sunrise. We will always open up another door of opportunity with each of our failures, a door that leads to success and happiness.
My Failures… failure to reach the expectations of winning the spelling bee comp 3 years out of my 5 year elementary career. Failed to catch the football about 23 times in football; made numerous errors in baseball/softball. Failed to achieve both my goal and the goals of my family/coaches in high jump. Failed to letter 3 times in my first 2 years of high school. Failed to stand up for my mother in the 7th grade. Broke my personal vow to never drink alcohol in an excessive amount. Failed in my attempts of trying to have a real relationship with a girl. Failed in the timing of letting my emotions out. Failed to return to see my friends in Florida. Failed in running away. My senior year of football, failure- was not fun at all. And my most favorite, failed in ending the most precious gift ever given to me.
More than half of my failures resulted from fear. We let fear control our lives so much that we in fact never get around to doing things we wanted. We are so worried about not achieving our dreams that we actually cause ourselves not to achieve our goals and dreams out of fear. Accept everything that happens to you, accept the fact that people die, accept the fact that YOU will die, accept the fact that people succeed and people fail, because it is inevitable, you will fail, succeed and die, no matter what. So once we accept those facts than we will no longer fear them, and when we no longer have fear is when we can start living, and when we will find true happiness.
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